What I'm watching

Hi all, this tumblr mainly exists as a way of tracking all the movies I've been watching and some of the initial thoughts, and general feelings, I've had about them.

5/5 - Fantastic movies; movies which need to be seen and enjoyed by everyone.

4/5 - Movies which are very good but don’t have that spark which compels you to make others watch them as well.

3/5 - Average movies; watchable and enjoyable, but nothing which elevates them higher. The baseline all movies are given before watching.

2/5 - Can be watched but really bland and forgettable.

1/5 - Minimal to no reason to watch these films. It may have some redeeming factors e.g. it’s so bad it’s good or there’s one character that’s awesome enough to make it not a total waste of time.

0/5- Total waste of time. Nothing redeemable about these films.

As with every review blog/site, this is all my own personal opinion so feel free to take everything with a grain of salt.

Also I'm Scottish so all reviews will be in UK English. Get used to theatre, colour and words ending in -ised.

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Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor

 

10 Worst Films Watched in 2011 (Excluding re-watched films) 1, Extract - Meanest spirited film I’ve seen in ages with absolutely irredeemable characters. Not a laugh to be found. Worst of the worst. 2, Suburban Girl - Sooooo pretentious. The indie hipster film personified. 3, Shadowlands - Soul crushingly boring and long with no redeemable elements. 4, Twilight Eclipse/Breaking Dawn Part 1 - A bit of a cheat but they’re as bad as each other so I couldn’t chose which was worse. Not higher because I knew they’d be shit going in and because of 1 redeemable element in each you could hold on to in order to get through it. 5, Mars Attack - An ensemble cast does not a good movie make. 6, The Last Airbender - How can you fuck up something with such good source material? Shyamalan finds a way. 7, Skyline - Bad acting, bad plot, bad character and bad twist ending. 8, The Tooth Fairy - Bad but not higher on the list because it never claimed to be anything else but a cheap kids movie. 9, Superman 4: The Quest for Peace - The death of a franchise and it’s clear to see why. 10, Nine - While boring it still had some redeemable performances and songs to lower it on this list. Honorable mentions: Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps.

10 Worst Films Watched in 2011 (Excluding re-watched films)

1, Extract - Meanest spirited film I’ve seen in ages with absolutely irredeemable characters. Not a laugh to be found. Worst of the worst.

2, Suburban Girl - Sooooo pretentious. The indie hipster film personified.

3, Shadowlands - Soul crushingly boring and long with no redeemable elements.

4, Twilight Eclipse/Breaking Dawn Part 1 - A bit of a cheat but they’re as bad as each other so I couldn’t chose which was worse. Not higher because I knew they’d be shit going in and because of 1 redeemable element in each you could hold on to in order to get through it.

5, Mars Attack - An ensemble cast does not a good movie make.

6, The Last Airbender - How can you fuck up something with such good source material? Shyamalan finds a way.

7, Skyline - Bad acting, bad plot, bad character and bad twist ending.

8, The Tooth Fairy - Bad but not higher on the list because it never claimed to be anything else but a cheap kids movie.

9, Superman 4: The Quest for Peace - The death of a franchise and it’s clear to see why.

10, Nine - While boring it still had some redeemable performances and songs to lower it on this list.

Honorable mentions: Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps.

#256 Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) get married, have sex and have a baby that almost kills her but doesn’t. That’s about it. Recap of my feelings on the series: Books: Never read them, couldn’t pay me to read them. Twilight: Unintentionally one of the funniest films of that year New Moon: Same as above and my review here Eclipse: Mind numbingly boring movie with none of the unintended comedy of the earlier films. See here for review. Needless to say I’m not a fan or the demographic for these movies. I do however ‘enjoy’ movies 1 and 2 in the same way I enjoy The Room or Troll 2. Fantastic movies for riffing on, so therefore I decided to give no 4 a shot hoping 3 had been a one off and it would return to hilariously bad. No such luck. While not as soul sapping as sitting through no 3; no 4 is still as boring, as bland and as devoid of unintended humour as its predecessor. In a 2 hour movie it takes 1 hour 15 minutes for any semblance of a plot to kick in and that’s just uncalled for. A couple of my main thoughts on this film because if I list everything which bugged me about it I’ll be here all day: - Billy Burke (Bella’s dad Charlie) is still the best character as he’s the only relatable one in these movies. - You still don’t care about any of the leads, or pretty much any of the secondary characters. - Jacob (Taylor Lautner) falls in love with Bella’s 10 minute old baby adding a further creepy feel of pedophilia to the series on top of the already present stalking, abuse and possession. Ya know, for teenage girls. The only thing I will give this film credit for is the make up/CGI used to make Stewart all ‘cracked out’ when the baby is eating her from the inside out. That legitimately made her look horrible and as if she was wasting away before your eyes, so props to the makeup team. Not a damn other thing is worth mentioning in this film in a positive light. At this point I’m just so tired with this franchise and wish it would just go away. Unfortunately we collectively need to put up with it for another year before it falls into obscurity. 0/5 and 2/5 for riffing. So not worth the effort. P.S. The lip bite count was down to a measly 23 bites in 117 minutes this year. Poor show.

#256 Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1

Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) get married, have sex and have a baby that almost kills her but doesn’t. That’s about it.

Recap of my feelings on the series:

Books: Never read them, couldn’t pay me to read them.

Twilight: Unintentionally one of the funniest films of that year

New Moon: Same as above and my review here

Eclipse: Mind numbingly boring movie with none of the unintended comedy of the earlier films. See here for review.

Needless to say I’m not a fan or the demographic for these movies. I do however ‘enjoy’ movies 1 and 2 in the same way I enjoy The Room or Troll 2. Fantastic movies for riffing on, so therefore I decided to give no 4 a shot hoping 3 had been a one off and it would return to hilariously bad. No such luck.

While not as soul sapping as sitting through no 3; no 4 is still as boring, as bland and as devoid of unintended humour as its predecessor. In a 2 hour movie it takes 1 hour 15 minutes for any semblance of a plot to kick in and that’s just uncalled for.

A couple of my main thoughts on this film because if I list everything which bugged me about it I’ll be here all day:

- Billy Burke (Bella’s dad Charlie) is still the best character as he’s the only relatable one in these movies.

- You still don’t care about any of the leads, or pretty much any of the secondary characters.

- Jacob (Taylor Lautner) falls in love with Bella’s 10 minute old baby adding a further creepy feel of pedophilia to the series on top of the already present stalking, abuse and possession. Ya know, for teenage girls.

The only thing I will give this film credit for is the make up/CGI used to make Stewart all ‘cracked out’ when the baby is eating her from the inside out. That legitimately made her look horrible and as if she was wasting away before your eyes, so props to the makeup team. Not a damn other thing is worth mentioning in this film in a positive light.

At this point I’m just so tired with this franchise and wish it would just go away. Unfortunately we collectively need to put up with it for another year before it falls into obscurity. 0/5 and 2/5 for riffing. So not worth the effort.

P.S. The lip bite count was down to a measly 23 bites in 117 minutes this year. Poor show.