#256 Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1
Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) get married, have sex and have a baby that almost kills her but doesn’t. That’s about it.
Recap of my feelings on the series:
Books: Never read them, couldn’t pay me to read them.
Twilight: Unintentionally one of the funniest films of that year
New Moon: Same as above and my review here
Eclipse: Mind numbingly boring movie with none of the unintended comedy of the earlier films. See here for review.
Needless to say I’m not a fan or the demographic for these movies. I do however ‘enjoy’ movies 1 and 2 in the same way I enjoy The Room or Troll 2. Fantastic movies for riffing on, so therefore I decided to give no 4 a shot hoping 3 had been a one off and it would return to hilariously bad. No such luck.
While not as soul sapping as sitting through no 3; no 4 is still as boring, as bland and as devoid of unintended humour as its predecessor. In a 2 hour movie it takes 1 hour 15 minutes for any semblance of a plot to kick in and that’s just uncalled for.
A couple of my main thoughts on this film because if I list everything which bugged me about it I’ll be here all day:
- Billy Burke (Bella’s dad Charlie) is still the best character as he’s the only relatable one in these movies.
- You still don’t care about any of the leads, or pretty much any of the secondary characters.
- Jacob (Taylor Lautner) falls in love with Bella’s 10 minute old baby adding a further creepy feel of pedophilia to the series on top of the already present stalking, abuse and possession. Ya know, for teenage girls.
The only thing I will give this film credit for is the make up/CGI used to make Stewart all ‘cracked out’ when the baby is eating her from the inside out. That legitimately made her look horrible and as if she was wasting away before your eyes, so props to the makeup team. Not a damn other thing is worth mentioning in this film in a positive light.
At this point I’m just so tired with this franchise and wish it would just go away. Unfortunately we collectively need to put up with it for another year before it falls into obscurity. 0/5 and 2/5 for riffing. So not worth the effort.
P.S. The lip bite count was down to a measly 23 bites in 117 minutes this year. Poor show.